DEAR SERGEANT AL: A few months ago I went out
with some friends of mine to a club in Manhattan to return to my car at the end
of the night to find the entire block of cars were gone, including my car.
After calling the police figuring it was stolen we finally figured out that
everyone who parked on the block had their car towed. We took a closer look at
the signs to discover that there was a late night parking regulation in effect
overnight. Why would the city care if anybody parks a car on a street late at
night and is there any way that we can get out of paying the ticket and get our
towing fees refunded? –DISCO TOW INFERNO
 |
| The NYPD Manhattan Tow Pound at Pier 38 on the West side. Obviously business is booming. |
DEAR DISCO TOW INFERNO: Welcome to the world of what
is called disco tow enforcement, a phenomena that started in New York City and
is taking the rest of the country by storm. This is where I tell people that
most of us do not realize the magnitude of our national fiscal crisis and something
needs to be done about it. Governments whether it is in Washington right down
to the local town hall are broke and they need ways to come up with revenues to
pay for government services. One of the solutions is towing people’s cars late
at night when visiting nightclubs and other late night venues. For decades since the disco craze started in the late 70's, New York City has been towing late at night out of areas particularly south of 34th Street in Manhattan and mostly on the west side near any club venue. I notice here in
Los Angeles along the Hollywood Blvd strip that towing regulations go into
effect on some side streets off the boulevard after 8 pm near a lot of
nightclubs. I'm sure the same rules apply off the Sunset Blvd strip as well.
 |
| A disco tow coming into the pound to be logged and vouchered. |
What would be accomplished by
towing people’s cars that are visiting a nightclub late at night? Here are four
effective reasons why you need to be careful where you park your car late at
night when visiting a night club in any given city, especially on the weekends:
 |
| Before some of you get offended and plug me out because of this picture, I put this here purposely to make my point: this is police work, and this is not for the faint of heart. This is what we call a quality of life condition: urinating on someone's house if not in a public place. If you were a cop and saw something like this you would have to deal with this, including confronting this man who might be drunk or high and putting your hands all over this suspect. You would have to go through his pockets and touch him, all after he was finished pissing. Think about it. |
1. Quality
of Life: It may not appear so, but there are people and
other businesses that live in the same neighborhood as the club you are
visiting who are affected by all that club traffic that have nothing to gain by
you being there. Just because there is no lawn or fence in front of a building
doesn’t necessarily mean that it isn’t someone’s home. If you live in the
suburbs respect city life as if you lived here yourself. Parked cars bring
excess noise and pedestrian traffic pollution from people who are there for
only one reason and certainly not to enhance property values. Parked nightclub cars also bring fewer spaces for the residents
who need to park their own vehicles in their own neighborhood. Nightclub cars
sometime block private garages and driveways. Since there are no rest facilities
in the street for exiting club goers to use, the sidewalks, alleys, door steps,
foyers, and entrances, and trash cans make excellent places to leave trash, used
condoms, and have sex or excrete urine and yes human feces when drunken or drugged club
goers have no where else to relieve themselves. Get rid of the cars and you get
rid of a big chunk of the problem.
2.
Increased
Revenue: Like I stated, governments are broke. What
better way to raise at least $300 a pop by first charging at least $200 to get
your car back right away, then give you another week or month to come up with
an additional $100 or more to pay the ticket on the windshield once you drive
away with your car at the tow pound. Don’t forget the interest and late charges you have to pay
if you don’t pay on time, and the scofflaw alert on your car if you outright
refuse to answer the ticket, creating another reason to tow your car again at
ANY time of the day. That’s a win-win for the city that’s charging you. What’s
nice about this is that there’s a good chance you’ll do it again because you‘ll
be so drunk or drugged going back to your car not to be aware or even care
about the parking regulation or even where your car was towed until after you
sober up.
3. Excellent
Law Enforcement Tool: A good word of advice to all of my young club
going friends: if you go to the police tow
pound right after a nightclub, you better come clean, sober, and correct to be
the pre-planned designated driver. In fact, if you were drinking or
drugging at any part of the night you are better off waiting until later in the
morning or afternoon the day after a good rest and sobering up to redeem your
car. Most likely if you wait until you’re sober for no more than 24 hours after
the violation it will not cost you extra and your car will be safe and sound. If
your car was disco towed, you are now paying a premium price to park your car in
a safe facility, so you might as well have it work toward your advantage. But be careful you do not leave contraband
in the car. Not only will the car be thoroughly searched for inventory
since it is coming into police custody, the license plate will be checked to
see if the car is valid, up to date, and not stolen. They will also do a
license and warrant check on you to see if you are on the up and up when you
come in for redemption. If there is contraband in the car (illegal guns or
drugs) you will be arrested. If you are drunk, the police may even allow you to
leave the pound intoxicated to have you drive right out of the pound into the
hands of an awaiting police DUI Task Force to take you away in handcuffs. This
is all perfectly legal. I should know. Some of my best collars on weekend DUI overtime
were made that way. And don’t even think
about sending your mother to pick up your car at the pound. The tow pound isn’t
grade school, it’s a police facility and real life. If you are old enough
to drive a car then Mommy is probably too old to own your crap. Some of the
most seediest drug dealers have tried this cheap and pitiful tactic of actually
sending their mothers, YES THEIR MOTHERS, of all people, some of the mommies were clad in a house dress with Queen Elizabeth purses in hand the sweet old ladies they are, some of them were titis and abuelas (Spanish for aunts and grandmothers) barely able to speak English but
to somehow have a license, to at one moment be making rice and beans and carnitas in their kitchen to be suddenly at the pound to be turned away and to find their sons’ or nephews' expensive
five and six figured rides stuck at the pound for weeks until auction or until their
sons’ or nephews' warrants were cleared. If the dealers kept drugs in inventory quantities in
the car they kissed the car goodbye forever as it was auctioned off to
circumvent jail time. Some of the most beautiful cars can be found at police
auction for literally pennies on the dollar. Now you know why. I write the
God’s honest truth . . .
4. Deterrence: Disco towing makes a great deterrence against drunk and drugged driving once the car owner sobers up, that is. Once
you’ve sobered up at some point in the wake of a tow aftermath, you must
realize it was probably better to either take mass transit, a cab, or if a
group of you to hire a limo and split the cost for a grand night out on the
town to leave the car at home. Hiring a limo actually might be the best option
if you are going out with buddies as this way you can get blasted out of your brains and there is no waiting for a cab. If there are any females in your group you have a better chance of getting laid or they will make it home safe and sound
with door to door service by a professional sober driver. Just make sure no one throws up inside the limo, please. Besides, if getting laid was the goal of going out, then hiring a limo will make you
look real important to be a chick magnet! If you ran out of money because you spent too much on booze or drugs to not be able to afford a hotel room, then you can drop everyone else off and then get laid in back of the limo! HOT! This is as opposed to telling your date you need to get your
car out of the tow pound after walking out of a club with you contemplating sex
to see how far that will get you lucky in a bed if anywhere near one at all!
Boy will she or he be really in the mood after you telling him or her you can't find your car!
So sorry to hear you were a
victim of being disco towed DISCO
TOW INFERNO, but my sympathy is cut short. In this case I'm not even going to bother to tell you how to beat the ticket like I did with HIJACK
YOUR CAR. Very much like HIJACK
YOUR CAR you brought your car into Manhattan probably or possibly for no good
reason to rightfully have it towed. Therefore you probably deserved to have this
adventure of “find the disappearing car” happen to you. I hope you learned your
lesson to leave the car at home, especially if it is about going to an event
that occurs on the island of Manhattan and you live elsewhere. Happy whenching!
Suggested
Reading:
Suggested
Reading:
Suggested
Reading:
Suggested
Reading:
