WHAT’S A CARMAGEDDON AND WHEN WILL IT HAPPEN?

This is the San Diego Freeway I-405 both directions north and southbound running under the old Mulholland Bridge at the Sepulveda Pass. You're looking northbound toward Burbank. As you can see the HOV lanes are making way in each direction in the middle of the road. This picture shows the preview to Carmageddon I last year. On the southbound side (left) the road is starting to be widened. On Carmeggedon II they plan on finishing the widening of the road on both sides and the demolition of what's left of the old bridge to finish the new one.

DEAR SERGEANT AL: Do you have the latest update on Carmageddon II?  –L.A. TRAFFIC JUST AUGMENTS ANXIETY MENTALLY.

DEAR L.A. TRAFFIC JAAM: Before I do let me tell the rest of the world what Carmageddon is and how if it doesn’t apply to them they can continue reading for their enjoyment to laugh at us Los Angelenos for being so car dependent or move on to another post or website to not care. US Interstate 405, which is also called the San Diego Freeway (because it heads that way thus runs north and south) is an American public access interstate highway situated on the west side of Los Angeles, California right by LAX Airport (as you know I love acronyms as I call LAX by its acronym, “lax,” like a laxative, a name it has earned). For you East Coasters saying to yourself “SO WHAT,” to put it in terms that you will better understand, it is the I-95 Cross Bronx Expressway of the West Coast. Similar to what would happen if something were to obstruct the Bronx road that it would affect some part of the eastern seaboard like a colon blockage, if someone drops a load of crap on the 405 it stinks up the entire Los Angeles area bringing it to its knees. Through an area further north on the 405 is an area that’s a canyon called the Sepulveda Pass that has an old bridge that runs over the 405 running east and west. That bridge carries Mulholland Drive from Hollywood in the east and it’s called the Mulholland Bridge. They need to replace that bridge with a new one. They also need to finish widening the 405 highway way down under it, which includes adding an HOV lane in each direction which in my opinion there’s no excuse as it should have been added a long time ago without the need of widening the highway. Doing this all is one big pain in the ass that costs $1 billion as they will need to at some point shut down the entire highway for a whole weekend to finish both projects. There you have Carmegeddon.

Carmegeddon I of one weekend in July last year was more about widening the highway than replacing the bridge. The anticipated event which was mainly about the highway shutdown was a prediction on the level of cataclysmic proportions that the name “Carmegeddon” was born. Anyone from traffic engineers and reporters to cops and politicians were predicting the end of the Los Angeles world as we know it, which of course, and probably like the real Armageddon, if such a thing were to really happen in a Biblical sense that perhaps it actually won’t unless we really wish it so. Well Carmegeddon didn’t occur and the letdown seemed to be some kind of dysfunctional release, kind of like the Hindenburg being suddenly and spontaneously deflated like a balloon instead of exploding and incinerating like the massive Zeppelin it was. Traffic during the shutdown wasn’t so bad by LA usual standards, and they were able to reopen ahead of schedule that weekend, and in that it seemed we were let down that nothing really happened. We were able to move around both the detours and with our lives. But wait. Now we are being told that the same thing that didn’t happen last time will really happen this time. Did they mean the catastrophe of a highway closure or did they mean the event that turned into a non-event? Carmegeddon II scheduled for the weekend of September 29-30 is more about finishing the bridge, which is a more complex project that is not as easy as Carmegeddon I was. This is it and they mean it, which means they may not finish on time, the project may be dragged out a bit further into the week perhaps, and we will suffer as a result of it that we really didn’t the last time.

FOR ANGELENOS ONLY: On Friday September 28 around 7 pm stay away for the entire weekend from the 405 anywhere near I-10 (the Santa Monica Freeway) and US 101 (the Hollywood Freeway), at the top and bottom of the red line in the map above as these highways connect to the 405 near the Sepulveda Pass (the black Mickey Mouse ears on the lower right is where Disneyland sits if those not from LA must know). Expect major delays (whatever that means because as you know traffic here means major delays on any given day and time, ANYWAY). If I were you on four or more wheels, I would build in extra time and would plan your trip to avoid the west side of Los Angeles on the 405 from LAX probably to all the way up to Burbank. Keep your eyes peeled on your smartphone to your Google Maps app in traffic mode before making any moves that weekend. For Monday October 1^st commuters: they SAY the highway and ramps will be open by 6 am that Monday, but I would cut the TV or radio on early in the morning just to make sure hell didn’t actually freeze over in that the detours are still in effect due to delays. If they are still cleaning up what’s left of the old bridge I’d take an alternate route. THEREFORE: To my fellow Angelenos I’m issuing a WARNING that’s coming in just a few weeks: Carmegeddon II is a comin’! Beware for whom the car tolls, for this time it may actually toll for you!