Thursday, June 21, 2012

PART 5: HOW TO TESTIFY: HOW TO FIGHT A TRAFFIC TICKET

Earlier in the week we discussed whether or not you should hire a lawyer to represent you in traffic court for your ticket. Now we are going to discuss regardless of whether you hire a lawyer, how to testify in court.

Well, we’re finally here. After the high drama of getting pulled over by the police and getting a ticket, plus doing all that research to prove your case, you are finally in court ready to defend yourself. After postponing your hearing date for as long as you or your lawyer can, and hopefully past the 18-month mark that points would have been taken off your license, you now are at the juncture that you have no choice but to testify to your innocence at trial. Here’s a checklist of things you should do at your hearing:
1.    DO NOT LIE: Most importantly, and above all else, do not ever, ever, ever lie to a judge. If you do not believe me, watch “Judge Judy” on TV. Judge Judith Sheindlin, is a real former judge who once sat on a real bench in Family Court in New York City. The lady can tell you are about to lie to her before you even open your mouth. I am a police officer, and I’d be afraid of telling her a fib. Besides the fact that she is a judge, you can tell by knowing little about her that she is also a mother. So she’s double qualified to detect a lie! I often tell people that there are three kinds of professional people in the world that are walking human lie detectors.  The three are police officers, lawyers (especially judges because it is their business to figure if you are telling the truth, and we often forget that they too are lawyers), and therapists (meaning psychiatrists and psychologists).  The only difference between the three is that if a cop catches you in a lie he can arrest or ticket you. You’ve already been through that. If a shrink catches you, he or she will not believe you, and have you committed for mental evaluation. If a judge catches you in a lie, they can either revoke your license and/or throw you in jail. Which of the three is the worse? You are already in trouble by being in court. Don’t make things any worse. If you don’t remember, say so. If it happened that way, then say so. Don’t lie. You’ll create more work for the prosecutor charging you with PERJURY, you'll have more problems than you started with, and more importantly, you'll piss the judge off, and if you've watched Judge Judy, you'll know you never want to do anything like that!
PLEASE DO US ALL A BIG FAVOR: Whatever that is this gentleman is swaying, if you too have a pair of those, whether you need a jock or a bra, make sure you put some kind of support on and cover it up in court!

2. DECORUM: I hate to put it this way, and I mean it in a good way at the expense of avoiding a heated political debate, but when going to court pretend that you are going as a delegate, and not as a protester, to the Republican National Convention. If you are Goth, Druid, an Anarchist, a 99 Percenter, a biker, a leather or surfer dude or gal, a punk rocker, a skinhead, etc., or just so-not-a-Republican, get over this if you want a chance at acquittal. If your identity is that important, I’m not telling you to ditch your style. Just please, for your sake, tone it down. In some parts of the country, even in some big cities, going to court is no different than going to church, and you have to respect that if you want people there to respect you. If not dressed in a suit and tie, or a dress (gender appropriate please, unless legitimately transgendered, and if so, then go as Judy or Barbra would and not Lady Gaga or Cher, etc.), at least wear a collared shirt and dress pants, AND NO HAT. 


If this gentleman ever has to make an appearance before a magistrate in a sleepy town there's a good chance he is going to face problems that start with his face.
    You want a better chance of acquittal, especially if the courthouse is in a small sleepy conservative town? Ditch the nose rings, eyebrow rings, lip rings, nose plugs, the hole punch in your tongue, the hafada, aprodiva, guiche, Prince Albert, protruding nipple rings, the beer cans in your ears, and the crazy or provocative t-shirt. Now is not the time to be announcing whom you’ll be voting for on Election Day, even if it is for Mitt Romney, or what you think of any person place or thing, even if it is about Barack Obama. The irony is that regardless of their politics, neither of these two gentlemen would take a liking to anyone but a presentable, conservatively dressed person before them. So it will also be with the judge! 

Ah, gentlemen: pull up your pants and your underwear; no man or woman who might be remotely attracted to you wants to see your crack in court, and you’re not in the prison shower yet if that’s where you’re really trying to wind up with your reveal! Also, there is a device called a belt, that you should learn how to use it! Cover up your muscles and/or tattoos; you are in court to impress the lawyers and the judge, and not the other defendants or the inmates (at least not yet)!
This might be music to your ah, your ears, but unplug both the silicone and the iPod when you're inside court!
     Ah, ladies: if your looks, bust size, or charm didn’t work well enough at roadside, the chances they might still work are severely diminished in court. If there is any part of your skin that folds together to make a voluptuous crease to accentuate your shapely body, make sure it is covered appropriately. Naturally colored hair for both men and women would help. Unless you are sight-impaired, ditch the sunglasses, and unless hearing impaired, ditch the earphones. Turn cell phones OFF; it doesn’t help if you were caught texting or driving with your handheld, to be caught all over again using it in court. They didn’t confiscate it at roadside, but they can definitely take it from you now in court!

3.  SPEAKING: Unless it is your turn to talk, speak when spoken to. When asked a question, keep it short if not “yes” or “no.” If you can’t remember, say, “I can’t recall.” Say little as possible; don’t go off on tangents, and just the facts ma’am, please, THANK YOU. Show respect and mean it, and there’s a good chance you will be treated in kind. If you are appearing in court that’s in a part of the country where you stand out by the color of your skin, whether being black, white, purple or green, whether by genetics or by any artificial ink that’s in your hair or skin, now is a perfect time to break down barriers and prejudices, by setting the example of being the better human being. Playing into stereotypes of either being black ghetto riff-raff or country white trash is not going to help your case! In our post September 11th era, we Americans live in a world that mostly hates us, to sadly not see amongst ourselves how we truly need to learn to get along and love each other. They say that ALL Americans are related to each other as 10th cousins. We need to start seeing ourselves as a big American family. Let them be the bigot and not YOU

     STAND UP when the judge is on his or her feet, as announced by the bailiff. The judge is addressed as “Your or His or Her Honor,” Judge “Last-Name” when addressing him/her for the first time, and then “ma’am” or “sir” after that. The entire world if not the English speaking one has become totally devoid of manners, and even though some do not like to be addressed as “ma’am” or “sir,” I believe both are the greatest courtesy titles you can bestow upon a fellow human being, especially when you are not sure how to address them, and it is better than being called something like “hey you” or “hey jackass” that people should appreciate when being addressed as “ma’am” or “sir.” That’s why you should also address the officer in such a manner as well. If the officer works for a state police service, start your address to him/her as “Trooper,” any sheriff’s office member as “Deputy” if not the Sheriff him/herself, and whenever in doubt as “Officer.” If you are familiar with military rank insignia on uniforms, you might get a better response if you address the officer/trooper/sheriff’s deputy by his/her rank. They are a supervisor; they earned it, and will be grateful it if you recognize it. If you are not sure, ask them, and then use it. He or she will be appreciative. Above all else, DON’T be a wise guy.

4.   Don’t forget to bring all of your evidence. Make sure it is relevant, factual, and convincing. You don’t like your time being wasted. With a courtroom filled with other motorists who think they too didn’t do anything wrong, the judge won’t like his/her time being wasted either.

5.    If you are not good at questioning people, or at public speaking (if this is the case by now you really should have considered hiring an attorney to represent you, which is the biggest piece of advice I give), bring a list of questions with you to ask the officer. Make sure the list has the points you need to state your case.

6.   NEVER ACCUSE THE OFFICR OF LYING. Even if the officer really, really did, you stating the obvious will actually make things worse for you than for the officer. Let the judge accuse him, NOT YOU. If the officer has experience just by judging by his age, there is a good chance that he/she is no stranger to the judge. The officer has built a reputation, most likely by testifying before the judge on numerous occasions; your case will not be the first, and certainly won’t be the last. If the judge is a good lie detector, believe me he or she will know when the officer is lying, and with many previous cases, the judge will know if the officer has the habit of lying. If it ever were a persistent problem, the judge would have notified the proper authorities about the officer’s lying for action to already be taken. You accusing an officer of lying most likely will demean your testimony and credibility, make you look foolish, and places your testimony in a situation of your words verses the officer’s. If that is going to be your case, then you have already lost. If by chance the officer on that rare occasion actually presented inaccurate or false testimony, the only way you can prove it is through the evidence. If that is the case SHOW IT TO THE JUDGE, never try to outright state it. Let the judge see it for him/herself. That’s what they get paid for.

7.   When the judge has made his/her ruling and you disagree, SAY NOTHING, accept the verdict, and walk away. I remember a speeding case where upon the verdict (guilty) I walked away from the podium and heard the motorist utter something under his breath. Apparently the judge heard it better and not me, and I never found out nor asked anyone who worked in the court what it was that the motorist said. Frankly, I didn’t need to know. Suffice to state the judge called the motorist back to the podium by stating, “WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY? COME BACK HERE!” The judge decided he wanted to amend the record and re-open the case. He spoke into his microphone and went back on the record in the matter of the case he just found guilty. He asked for the ticket back from the clerk, and the motorist’s license from the motorist. Mr. Big Mouth hesitated. I turned to him and stated, “you better do what the man tells you to do or otherwise you are in for a much longer day here than you were expecting until now.” He acquiesced. His license was suspended on the spot for a week, and probably had to hail a cab to leave the court. Trust me, he was lucky. NO BACK TALK TO THE JUDGE. That’s why there is such a thing called an appeal.  

      If you follow the above list you should be in good shape when you get to court. If you hired an attorney, do exactly what your lawyer tells you do, even if that means that he or she DOES NOT want you to testify. You are better served by listening to your counsel. Following this advice reminds me of what Abraham Lincoln once said about, “it is better for one to keep his mouth closed and be thought of as a fool, than to open and remove all doubt.” This is usually the real reason why attorneys do not usually want their clients to testify in court when they are the defendants. The above list will not guarantee an acquittal, but it will put you on the best footing possible to get there. 

Related Reading:

-->













1 comment:

Sgt. Al here. I welcome your comments, ideas, and suggestions. You have questions about the police, and I'm interested in hearing what you have to say as a citizen. Thanks!

Pages